Updates-6/29

It’s been a while, and I’ve had posts saved as drafts, but I haven’t actually posted anything.

One recurring thought that I had all the time while the meds were causing me more brainfog was that, when the fog cleared, I was going to have a very bad time. That is to say, what was sustaining me and allowing me to cope and not freak out was the fact that I was quite unaware of everything about my situation, didn’t care, absolutely didn’t give a shit about anything. And I was right! The brainfog cleared a bit and I had a very bad time, have been having a very bad time for the past 9 or 10 months.

On the one hand, typing about it (not talking, I don’t talk to people much) sounds like a good idea, but in reality, it only stresses me out a lot and I prefer to remain in a state of complete denial, going through the motions, trying not to think about anything too much.

In addition to that, I have a very low threshhold for human contact of any type, so being back on FB and forums and things stresses me out a lot, especially when too many people start sending me too many private messages and things. I can handle public forum posts, and PMs from some people, some of the time, but not very many people, very much of the time. I have turned off FB notifications for this reason, though I am still logging in when I have something to post (usually, new drawings and things like that). I will log in to put up a link to this.

Anyway, thinking stresses me out a lot, and people stress me out a lot, and I just feel like I’m constantly striving for an unattainable state of peace and quiet.