Another cousin died

I thought it fit here, too, though I mentioned elsewhere that I just lost another relative (cousin) more or less to mental illness; he was on a lot of meds and also self-medicated with alcohol thanks to bipolar disorder. They found him unconscious a couple days ago, just died in the hospital yesterday though. I think his whole family has been fucked up by the death of his brother in ’02 still, I mean, even more so than a death in the family usually seems to fuck people up, which is a lot. The uncle has been severely depressed for a very long time now.

I’m the same as I’ve been. I’m curious as to what my regular doctor will say on Thursday, as well as how much of the truth I will tell her. I imagine my retelling of the past couple months to her will be something like “Yeah, been eating better, stopped drinking soda, lost 40 lbs, exercising more” when the reality of the matter is a bit different and involves starvation, binge drinking, sleep deprivation, and drug abuse. In addition to exercising and not drinking pepsi (unless I need a mixer for rum).

I’ll normalize a bit eventually. Still extremely unstable, and the cousin dying isn’t helping matters, though I haven’t been extremely close to that part of the family because of how far away they’ve lived my entire life.

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