Feeling more stable in the sense of not suffering from psychosis at the moment. Still having a terrible time with [financial] impulse control. I need to stay away from ebay and amazon. I went there with the intention of selling shit, actually, but the opposite of that happened. Nothing as bad as last week though.
Still, I am really not stable when compared with other people and that is probably why I am a hermit.Still a vague feeling that the past several years of being sick and having a lot of meds going through me has ruined my life, but on the other hand, due to not being depressed any more, I have an uncharacteristic sense of optimism and hope for the future, but still no real direction in life.
I don’t get sick when I eat anymore, but apparently the mania is still causing appetite suppression. Walked all over town yesterday and all the muscles in my body have ached ever since, probably because I’ve barely eaten in 2 weeks. I had some bacon yesterday. Food just isn’t appealing though. My blood sugar has been low as fuck because of forgetting to eat all the time, which doesn’t help my life at all, either. I just keep throwing food away because it keeps going bad because I am not eating it.
I have some pickled yellow beans I canned last year, might open those. I have some more fruit punch flavor Powerade here, also.
The other problem is I have too much energy and too many thoughts going through my head, and because of that, it’s just all chaos and I’m not actually being productive unless I am working on translations. I’ve been meaning to finish paintings and things but I just get distracted and decide to go rearrange the stuff in the kitchen cupboards or something like that.