[Forum post plus some discussion from other people]
I’m not sure where I am at. I’m comfortable for now not talking to people in real life. I no longer get the urge to. There was a time when, if I felt bad or whatever, I would have an urge to talk to people in real life and have a conversation. That’s gone now.
Mainly these days I just wish my sex drive would go away. It’s especially upsetting because, due to medications, I thought it had gone away forever and I was very disappointed and disturbed when it came back (common symptom of bipolar mania: “hypersexuality”).
Here’s your TMI for the day:
Despite, after many years, getting over the Catholic guilt concerning masturbation, it doesn’t really help me much because (1) it seems a bit second-rate, and (2) it occasionally makes me cry, which makes it especially unpleasant and unhelpful. It’s not that I’m not good at it, I think I’m pretty good at it, it just seems like I’m lacking something I guess. It has diminished slightly since the psychotic episode last summer, though, but it’s still there.
So, not really sure where to go with that. If you’re horny and haven’t had any success having sex with other people, masturbation would be the obvious way to go, but it doesn’t seem to help me much. I guess I’m just waiting for menopause now because it’s my understanding that that can help to diminish sex drive.
I used to abuse drugs and alcohol very heavily to reduce or eliminate my sex drive, but it’s my understanding that that isn’t necessarily a healthy thing to do, either.
I don’t have any real hopes of ever being in a real relationship (I assume that would potentially be helpful with the sex drive), because, after 17 years or so, I have gotten discouraged by being rejected by everyone I ever attempted to initiate a relationship with and either (1) I am just not attractive to people in that way, or (2) I am doing something very wrong and I can’t fix it because I don’t know what I’ve been doing wrong.
There has never been a time where someone wanted to start something up with you, where they initiated the potential relationship?
No. I mean, not since like 1996, and he was cheating on me since the very beginning. So I always figured it was up to me to make the first move, but that always ended up leading to rejection and/or losing friends. I don’t think I’m creepy or anything, and the most I ever did was suggest that me and another person hang out (alone, without other friends), and I never even got that far* with people I normally hung out with (around other people), I would either be told they weren’t interested or they’d agree to hang out or go somewhere and then never show up, and then never talk to me again because apparently that made it weird. I also never considered myself anything worse than average looking, so I don’t think that’s it, and I had great tits in college.
*Not counting some drunken messing around with some women when i was 18 or 19, but that was more in the realm of 1 night stands and not potential relationships.