More reasons I don’t like Facebook

Another reason I don’t like Facebook is because things like this come up (from explosm.net):
withoutsex
I’m sure it’s been at least 15 years, maybe a bit more. Not just comics, of course, but I mean every time I see other people posting photos and updates on their Facebook it reminds me that I don’t have a normal life.

For at least five years, the medications caused me to have no sex drive, which was very nice. Before that, I guess I just never figured out how to initiate relationships, or had bad luck. Any time I expressed interest in another person, they would say they were not interested in me. This bothered me a lot and I’m sure I made posts on my Livejournal about it. I liked Livejournal so much better than Facebook. Not just the anonymity, but the fact that you saw every single post that each of your friends made, in chronological order.

People suggested things like dating sites, and I did have some dating profiles up maybe 10 or 12 years ago. No one contacted me through them, so I decided you probably need to be good looking or fabulously wealthy or successful to meet people on the internet.

Now I’m older and even less good looking/successful, and my mental illnesses make it hard for me to leave the house at all. I can’t drive so I can’t travel. These things mean I also can’t meet people in real life, not to mention I wouldn’t know what to do with a significant other if I had one; I have almost no experience with sex and no experience at all with relationships.

I try not to think about it too much, but Facebook makes that hard. It’s hard for me not to compare myself to other people. That’s why I prefer to use internet forums about specific topics (movies, music, etc.) rather than deal with Facebook, where there is no way to know what people are going to be posting about. I can’t think of anything in the world that could be worse for my mental health than Facebook, yet I still feel compelled to go there because it’s taken over the internet. It’s like Walmart coming to town and all the local businesses close down. Facebook happened and people left most internet forums and stopped using email. I am still working on transitioning to only using internet forums and not looking at my Facebook newsfeed, but it’s difficult. It’s like an addiction, especially since it’s so convenient and because I work on the computer so I’m online all day anyway. I am often tempted to check Facebook during slow times between work projects.

In addition to that, I really hate all the memes about the idea that happiness is a choice, or to cut negative people out of your life. Maybe that’s why people don’t talk to me anymore; I’m too negative. I can’t really help it, though, due to circumstances and mental illness. I think it’s kind of shitty, like telling people if others are having a bad time, just cut those people out of your life instead of trying to be understanding. I don’t expect people to want to listen to me complaining all the time, and that’s another reason I am not able to talk to people out loud, in real life (even therapists). I don’t want to bug anyone. But that’s what I used Facebook for, and I feel like these memes are trying to make me feel like a bad person for it.

Many times when I look at Facebook I either get angry or start crying. The pain medications I’m on right now are also doing terrible things to my state of mind, and I spent most of last night staying awake crying for no particular reason. The pain from the kidney stones isn’t doing anything good for me either, and I guess I have 3 fractured vertebrae and that’s another reason I’m in pain all the time, which also contributes to my shitty mood and general sense of despair. When the kidney stone was hurting especially badly and causing me to vomit from the pain for a few days (before going to the hospital), I spent about 10 hours curled up next to the toilet, thinking this is all I have to look forward to in life. Pain and sickness. And it’s only going to get worse as I get older. And then I laughed about it a bit.

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