It occurs to me that I have barely ever managed to verbalize the fact that the meds are ruining my life to the doctors prescribing them. This could be for a lot of reasons.
First and foremost, it seems like I go blank when I enter a doctor’s office. I’ve always been nervous in doctor’s offices and hospitals. I just answer the questions they ask me.
Another reason is that sometimes, in the past, when I have tried to bring up these things, they have been minimized by medical professionals. I’ve been told things like, “Other people are on the same medications and they cope just fine.” Well, I just told you I was not coping “just fine,” you know? Had I been coping just fine, I wouldn’t have mentioned it.
And other than those things, there is the fact that I worry nothing can be done about it, so why even bring it up? If they can’t reduce the meds, and can’t get me off the meds, then there is nothing to do besides just continue to roll with the punches.
Other than that, since I have been on the corticosteroids I have always had trouble with numerous things, leaving the house, communicating with people (I often fail to check emails or Facebook messages, just the idea of looking at them gives me anxiety), reading my mail, answering and making phone calls. I do not use text messages at all. I don’t use instant messengers, Skype, etc.
On the other hand, I have no problems communicating in more public spaces on the internet, like internet forums. I have a couple of Youtube channels, I have no problems (usually) making videos, replying to comments on them. I think the think with internet forums and public Facebook groups and posts is that there is no pressure. If you’re talking about something on a forum and you just fucking disappear for two weeks, no one cares. It’s a forum. People do that. This is less true of communicating directly with people via texts, instant messengers, Facebook private messages, phone calls, etc.
I never liked telephones much but I wasn’t especially horrified of them, either. I just can’t seem to deal with any human contact of any sort, unless it’s completely impersonal and public.