I reactivated my Facebook

Woohoo. Additionally, I don’t like the inability to use HTML (or, in the case of forums, BBCode) because that makes it difficult to have any control over the way you refer to things outside of Facebook. But that’s neither here nor there. I think a good way to go would be just to unsubscribe from all the humans and only see stuff from groups. I’d like FB if it was just, say, the 60s/70s vintage advertisement group and the David Bowie group (which migrated from an actual website). It’s the real people posting random, unpredictable stuff that I don’t like. I like to see things posted in categories, and this doesn’t happen on Facebook.

I have been trying to move to other places on the internet. It’s nice to interact with people sometimes, but it’s too difficult for me to do that on Facebook. Anytime I try, usually by commenting on people’s posts, I am ignored. This often leads to me deleting the person because I don’t see any point in being FB “friends” with people who completely refuse to talk to me.

I also enjoy that forums, in addition to usually being based on a specific topic, feel less like a popularity contest. There are usually fewer people posting photos of themselves, fishing for compliments, etc. (Posting photos of myself is extremely terrifying for me, and bad for my self-esteem. Another reason I don’t leave the house is because people often think it’s ok to just take/post photos without asking me.)

This has been a terrible month for a number of reasons. I seem to have forgotten that it’s not necessary to be drunk or otherwise intoxicated every day. There is just sort of a cloud of despair that follows me around. I’ve been having anxiety-type nightmares. Yesterday I dreamed I was just standing in the kitchen, screaming as loud as I could. Not out of fear, just from being fed up with life and everything in it.

Why I’m considering leaving Facebook

Since the change of meds and the mania problems beginning last summer, Facebook has been bothering me a lot more. Initially, it was being overwhelmed with so much information. Conflicting stories, sad things, funny things, political things. Usually, if you tell someone you don’t like what’s on your Facebook feed, they assume you don’t want certain political things and remind you that you can unfollow the friend or block things from certain sites. That’s largely not what I am talking about, though.

When I was depressed for a very long time, I was actually quite stable. No crying, no sadness, just sort of a lack of anything. Numbness and apathy. While manic, it’s the opposite of that. Everything cranked up to 11. Disturbing things are really horrifying, funny things are really funny, and so on. Scrolling through a Facebook feed often means going through about 30 different strong emotions per minute, which was more than I could handle. It also made me hyperaware of the fact that my own situation was not the same as that of many of the people I am friends with on there. For example, it would make me sad to see happy photos of people with their boyfriends/girlfriends, families, etc. because I feel like that’s something I won’t ever get to experience. Even seeing selfies is sometimes upsetting to me, because it just reminds me I am so insecure in my appearance that I am terrified of posting photos of myself on the internet.

Elsewhere, someone complained about people complaining on Valentine’s Day about not being in a relationship, saying that relationships don’t fix everything or always create happiness. I don’t think people are necessarily are saying that. Speaking for myself, I am quite aware that many people aren’t always happy in relationships, and I don’t think being in a relationship would make me happy all the time, it’s more that so many people talk about love and relationships being an important part of their life, even the most important part of their life, so of course it can bother people if they have never been in a relationship in their adult life.

Additionally, I always said that I wanted to do something, even something small, to promote awareness of mental illnesses. Posting on Facebook might do that to a small extent, but not when very few people see what you post. I figured a blog would be a better way to go, not to mention potentially help me to interact with other people who have also had problems with mental illness and other things.

I prefer blogs and forums to Facebook for a number of reasons:

  1. Tags, categories, themed forums/blogs – These are completely different from the disordered, chaotic nature of Facebook where every person uses it for a different reason and there are so many kinds of posts and information on your newsfeed. I realize there are groups for that, but sometime it can be hard to find good ones
  2. Your posts more or less disappear after a few hours and no one ever sees them again/no indexing system – This is a big one. If I am going to take the time to write something, even a disordered rant, I might want to keep it around and be able to come back to it for a while. If other people are going to comment on it, it would also help if it stayed around. You can pin posts but that’s not the same as really indexing things on a site or blog.
  3. Quality of discussion – In my experience, there is not much quality discussion to be had. People press “like” and don’t comment, or, in the case of everything I write, they don’t “like” it or comment on it. I’ve had people tell me they read all my posts, which is nice, but I still have very little interaction with people on there. Another part of it may be that, if it’s just going to disappear (more or less) by tomorrow, why bother putting any thought or effort into anything you write there?
  4. I never got the hang of the “social” aspect of social media. Like I said, I guess because my posts are too “grim” or “heavy” or weird or whatever, nobody really interacts with me on Facebook. There are people I have talked to via private messages, but not all that much. I often go for weeks without using PMs on there. And it’s rare that post anything that causes anyone to comment. I don’t want or care about “likes,” but if it’s social media, I guess I would expect some discussion or social interaction on there sometimes. I don’t interact with people on Facebook. On the other hand, I do have long discussions with people on forums, and I do like responding to blog posts.
  5. People get offended by everything. When I say I like discussion, I also mean discussion with people with different points of view. On Facebook, people often get offended if you disagree with something they post and say so, even if you’re polite. It’s much easier to discuss and debate on a forum or blog
  6. Facebook just isn’t rewarding to me. Using it has no particular benefits other than potentially being able to contact people sometimes. On a day to day basis, I might as well be writing longhand in a diary for all the more I talk to people. At least a diary wouldn’t upset me. Hell, I’ve often posted the exact same rants on both Facebook and on a forum and my FB posts were totally ignored, while my forum posts with the same content generated good discussion.
  7. Godawful color scheme. I understand why they wouldn’t have wanted it to turn into a MySpace clone, but the bright background hurts my eyes.
  8. Real names, etc. I don’t like the real name policy. I don’t like people trying to find me on there who I never really even knew or liked. I don’t like how you’re expected to post photos of yourself, and I especially don’t like how people can tag you in their photos.

So anyway, I’m considering just coming here (or certain forums) when I feel like writing about or discussing something rather than Facebook. We’ll see how that works out. I’ll still check my messages there, but more and more, Facebook seems like a colossal waste of time to me.