On motivational quotes and mental illnesses

control1
While there is nothing inherently wrong with attempting to be positive, I do have a big problem with the way a lot of “motivational” images seem to imply that all you need to do is think positive thoughts and your life will be hunky-dory. Maybe it could help someone who is simply having a bad day to focus on being grateful for things or think happy thoughts, but it becomes a problem when you figure in mental illness. It seems to be blaming people for things like depression or anxiety. My mom used to be this way about my anxiety, she acted like my panic attacks were some kind of attention-seeking behavior and I should just chill and snap out of it. You can’t just “snap out of” mental illnesses though, and having a crappy day isn’t the same as being clinically depressed. So when I see things telling me to “focus on the positive” and that I am only as happy as I allow myself to be, sometimes I get irritated.
nature
The same goes for the ones saying pets and nature are better than any therapist. I don’t dispute that spending time with animals or outdoors can be great and even therapeutic; but I do dispute the implication that these things are a replacement for therapy or better than therapy. No reason you can’t have both, but some people are helped by therapy, and talking to your dog is not quite the same as talking to a licensed professional in the mental health field. It minimizes the struggles of the mentally ill and says they’d be ok if they just took their dogs for more walks in the woods. While I can understand the idea that many people are stressed out from their jobs and perhaps being stuck indoors a lot, not all problems are solved by a little sunshine and fresh air.

On a semi-related note, I also dislike seeing the ones saying all you need is love and companionship, or that those things are the only things that matter in life. I sure hope those aren’t the only things that matter in life, or nothing much matters in my life, because I seem to be unable to form close relationships with people as a result of my mental illnesses. I’m not denying that many people have reason to enjoy these memes saying love is what matters in life; I’m just saying that these ideas make me feel very alienated.

rupaul

Additionally, as much as adore RuPaul, I also feel alienated when she closes her shows saying “if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” Maybe the answer really is, “you’re not,” but it isn’t very motivational for those of us who don’t have relationships and have trouble loving ourselves. I’m not saying people should be expected to never say or post something like this or the other love-related ones, I am just stating how I feel when I look at them.

I am abusing drugs and alcohol entirely too much this week.

bipolarFound my last therapist receipt while cleaning out my backpack. Equivalent to bipolar NOS, i suppose. Anyway, just saying the “psychosis” part isn’t really new since I’ve been diagnosed with it for 20-some years. ^_^ I think I function pretty well most of the time, regardless of where my mind is at. All of my websites were created while manic, also.

ETA: I bought TUMS for the calcium, forgetting that I am having trouble with certain tastes. I am having a terrible fucking time trying to chew/swallow two of these things. Should’ve at least gotten peppermint. Ugh.

ETA pt 2: I am abusing drugs and alcohol entirely too much this week.

I spent the past years largely in a sort of depressed brainfog wishing I could be me again; now it seems that I am but “me” isn’t necessary an easy person to be. Dealing with excess energy and lack of desire to eat and sleep. I forced myself to very nearly eat a normal amount and variety of foods yesterday but it wasn’t pleasant, and it was only after spending a couple hours wandering around town in fairly hot weather and feeling like I was going to pass out.

Currently listening to The Beatles for about 12 hours a day, but still listening to a lot of Elton John, too. I get weird like this and it’s like I am attempting to make up for all the time I was unable to listen to/enjoy music while in a depressed state. I tried listening to the Grateful Dead last night and didn’t find them as interesting as they seemed to me a month ago. Likewise, if people suggest music for me to listen to, I am unable to comply due to compulsively listening to either the Beatles or Elton John. Repetitive/obsessive/compulsive behavior is pretty normal for me while manic, but I like to document it so that I can recognize things if they recur. I now feel like I should’ve recognized something was a bit off when I started buying a bunch of Grateful Dead stuff. [shrugs]

I am trying to stay away from the liquor store because I feel like I would attempt to buy half the alcohol in the store and drink myself to death. I was in a somewhat dysphoric frame of mind last night.

It’s not that it’s terrible to not sleep due to tiredness, because I don’t really get tired, but it’s more like it would be kind of nice to just shut my brain off once in a while (drugs don’t seem to work, i know because I’ve tried). On the other hand, this is actually a whole lot better than the depressed state I was in, because I really was not seeing any reason to go on living in the state I was in for the past 7-8 years.

I am taking a short break from Facebook today because if I see one more motherfucker saying how great the pope is, I’m gonna fucking break something. I’m experiencing a massive psychotic hatred of the pope right now.

I had a granola bar today, I’m off to a good start. I have a lot of work to do today.

I got on the scale today and started swearing because I didn’t think it was possible to lose that much weight within a single month. I’ll have a few more granola bars, I think. =/ I mean, I had it to lose, but shouldn’t have been able to do so so quickly.

Then I spent 20 minutes in front of the mirror marveling at the fact I have a lot more white hairs than I seemed to last time I inspected my hair for them.